Happy Hanukkah
by Eogrus
Summary: Callum and the others are celebrating their favourite holiday of their most sacred faith in their palace, but Christmas nazis want to kill them! What will our heroes do?


It was a beautiful and pleasantry night at the Katolis castle (yes, the characters in The Dragon King are Jewish. If you disagree then you're a literal nazi). The minorah was lit and there were lots of dreidels spinning around. Ezran and Bait were stuffing themselves with chocolate coins, while Callum was reading the Torah with a special handle thingy I saw many professional rabbis use. He was reading about all the Egyptian little children being slaughtered, which was very funny and aroused him greatly. Rayle was hearing a hat with dreadlocks on the side, while Amaya and Janai were rubbing each other's vaginas because the Leviticus says nothing on dykeism. A piece of shit from Janai's putrid decaying ass fell on Ezra's coins, which he happily devoured and was granted sun powers.

Everything was fine and dandy, with incense oils made from goats burnt for their sins.

"I'm glad we can share out traditions with you!" said Callum happily.

"Yes, thank you very much, we don't get wonderful holidays in our pagan lands" Rayla concurred, and they began to fornicate, putting some of the menorah oil on themselves as lubricant.

But suddenly a chill happened and the lights went out and the dreidels stopped spinning and Amaya stop devouring Janai's mutant pube lice.

"What is the meaning of this!?" cried the dragon queen, she was going outside to defecate as in Leviticus 16:27.

An evil voice laughed, and the darkness was erupted by bright Christmas lights. It was Santa and Jespers and the other Guardians and the Sailor Scouts!

"You little goyim thought you could steal our slot like we stole from Saturnalia and Yule?" cried Sata meanly and evilly. He had alt-right tatooes in his arms.

"Well you thought wrong!" said Jespers. He jumped at Rayla to rape her but she stabbed him in the penis, slicing it in half with a silver scythe.

"You little jews should go back to the ovens!" said Jack Frost meanly, he also wanted to rape but it was EZRAN INSTEAD!

"Fuck off nazis, your holidays are archaic and nobody gives a shit about them!" said Callum dishing out the truths.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Santa, clearly defeated but too prideful to stop, "GURADIANS LETS SHOW THESE KYKES THE MEANING OF 'MERRY GOOD CHRISTIMAS'!"

Then they went to attack, but Callum did a wind spell that blew them away. They fell on Cipactli's mouth and were forced to consider ten thousand lifetimes of celebrating the wrong faith, for only the might of the Aztec's is theologically correct.

Ezran then invited Korrasami, but they were Taoists with Buddhist powers so they defecated on the menorah and made its lights orange (because brown is just dark orange) coloured, then left.

"Also they're gross lesbos who are an abomination unto G-d!" said Janai while fisting Amaya's anus. Many treasures she found there, including Soros' credit card.

Afterwards they all ate some pastries and said several prayers. They used said prayers to summon Metatron and other archangels, their light setting the castle on fire and their flesh ablaze.

"For your services we shall provide you with any gift!" they said in a voice made of waves of light crashing violently.

"I want an extra eye so I can spy on girl's pussies!" said Callum pervertly.

"Wish granted!" and now he had an eye on his palate, staring at his tongue forever.

"I want my foreskin back!" said Ezran sadly, he secretly wanted to fuck men but he never did have the full range of sexual prowess due to child butchering.

"Wish granted!" and now he had a nauseating foreskin full of ticks and barnacles, ejecting green ooze.

"I want for there to be world peace!" gesticulated Amaya with her labia.

"Wish granted!" and now all of the populace was being entombed into power plants by the machines.

"I want for Amaya's vagina to taste like Sunny D!" said Janai wistfully, missing her home.

"Wish granted!" and now Amaya's pussy was made out of zombie oranges that ate Janai's clitoris.

"I want my gay dads to not go to hell!" said Rayla, even though she actually just wanted another dildo.

"Wish granted!" Rayla's parents went to heaven and killed Yahweh, made the Republic of Heaven and the angels died.

Everyone much disliked the new gifts, and so they learned a valuable lesson: even Hanukkah isn't immune from capitalists ruining the holiday, but they still had each other as a family, much like the Israelites had Philistine child sex slaves.

Happy Hanukkah, boys and girls! 


End file.
